Choosing A Name (That Doesn't Suck)
by the Esteemed Reverend Venato Caine

The name you choose on any MUD is something you're stuck with for the duration, so it's generally a good idea, and just plain good form, to choose one that isn't complete nonsense, and make sure it's at least relatively fitting for the theme.

Now, here on Desolation, we don't have elves, we don't have dwarves, and we're most assuredly a far cry from the medieval fantasy places that overcrowd the list of MUDs out there. We're the future of a small chunk of western America, boys and girls, so for the love of all things that don't overtly suck, try to use that melon sitting atop your neck to think up something normal for a change.

Think about it, you're not going to met someone named Grakgh when you walk down the streets of America, unless perhaps, you're talking to a toothless crackwhore. You're much more likely to run into people with names like John, or Frank, or Bob. Thing is, at any given time in that place called reality, there's bound to be quite a few Johns, Franks, and Bobs, while on a MUD, only one person will ever have the honor of bearing any given name. Thus, nicknames, and slight deviations of common names are often used.

Also, keep in mind that only a single name works, there are no spaces, so you can not be listed as John Smith... you'd be Johnsmith, and that's just ugly. You can still have a last name, or middle name, but that's only going to be known through role-playing, something you all should freaking do, and actually letting people know what it is.

Now, whenever you give creative license to the masses, people are bound to come up with retarded fucking drivel, which has absolutely no place in what it's being used for. This is a rather unfortunate reality, and the reason this guide is being written. In other words, you're all complete imbeciles who cannot be trusted to think rationally.

So, on to the heart of the matter. "Oh, Saint Venato, how do I think up a name which won't bring your desting, muting wrath down upon my unworthy ass?" Well, I'll tell you. The easiest thing to do, is choose a normal name, like mentioned above. On Desolation, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being named Joe. There is, however, something very wrong about being named after preexisting characters from books, movies, or anything in popular culture, or choosing a rather silly 'fantasy' name. This is not a fantasy MUD, so shove your goddamn elvish names up your freaking ass. And all you Dragon Ball XYZ Whateverthefuck fan retards, had best keep those idiotic character names off this MUD, or I will personally make your time spent here a living hell. So basically, think up something normal, or something original, yet rational.

How do you do that? Well, there are plenty of ways. Say you want to be John. Oh look, someone must have already taken the name John! Okay, maybe Jon, or Johan will work, great, wonderful, a name. In other words, it's perfectly okay to use different spelling of the same name, though in general, this CAN lead to some confusion. Jon could get mistaken for John at some point, you know =) So that section is fairly self-explanatory. On to bigger and brighter things, involving imagination.

Think of the character you want to play. Give him a rudimentary history, a basic purpose in life. This can help immensely in choosing a name, particularly if you use the two methods I'm about to detail.

First, there's my preferred method. Take that character concept, and figure out simple words that describe it. Say one of these words happens to be 'hunter.' Well, as luck would have it, Hunter is a perfectly acceptable name. Shoemaker, however, is not, so proceed accordingly. Now, back to Hunter... say you don't like that. Look for other words that mean the same thing, and don't necessarily limit yourself to English. Oh look, it seems the German word for hunter is 'Jaeger.' A simple shifting of letters can net you a perfectly decent name, "Jaecar," which is in fact an actual name.

There are a number of websites which can assist you greatly in using this method. A baby name book can help as well, or you can just go here: and muck about for a while. You could also use a language translation site, such as to look for foreign words to distill into names. I'll give you a couple of examples:

Venato - Venato Caine - yes, that's me, motherfucker, and don't you forget it - comes from the Latin word 'venator,' which oddly enough means 'hunter,' and Caine, from that crazy Old Testament, you know, the guy who killed Abel, the guy who's credited as the original murderer. Put 'em together, and you've got the original concept of the first incarnation of Ven, an assassin.

Delmon - Delmon Jaecar Shad - Delmon is a name which supposedly means 'of the mountain.' This is fitting, as that's where he freaking came from. Jaecar was already described above, and if you've forgotten the meaning, well, fuck you. Shad is a distillation of Shadrach, also from Mr. Bible, and listed as being the name of one of three brothers who survived being cast into a fiery furnace. Hey, that caught my eye, fiery furnace... nuclear malestrom... fitting. Put them together, and you have the basic concept behind Del.

Now the last method I'm going to cover, is one that requires a greater lack of idiocy on your part... that of using a nickname as your character name. This should NOT be used by the faint of heart, or the downright stupid, because if I ever see a character named 'Bigdick,' I will track you down and castrate you.

Simply put, this is a method that draws a bit from the previous. You take the concept of your character... hmm, what's he good at? Is he fast? Agile? Big? Dumb? Does he have some blatant physical feature that you could exploit? Think about how people get nicknames in the first place. Obviously, "One Eye" isn't going to work, since it'd come out looking like, "Oneeye," and that's just ugly. But something like "Stumpy," that's fine, and a nickname I've personally blessed our resident Dutch bastard Viktor with. Let's see, what else could there be? Squint, Red, Lefty, maybe even Hitman, whatever, just make sure it doesn't sound completely stupid.

Remember, when in doubt, fucking ask someone who has a clue. Log in as Guest if you have to. It's a hell of a lot easier than having us ream you for choosing an atrocious name.

So, that stated, here's a recap of what's been said:

  1. No fantasy names.
  2. No pop-culture references.
  3. Use a real name, or something original, but not retarded.
  4. Use your character's purpose, background, or features to think up a fitting name.
  5. When in doubt, ask. - Always remember - I hate you.

Now get your ass on here and role-play, you piece of shit.

- Ven.