People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch
is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom
is?
The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy, considering he has no dick.
People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV
remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Fuck off. What
good is a goddamn cake you can't eat?
When people say "Its always in the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the
fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where
are they?
When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that?" No dicknose, I paid
$7.50 to come to the theater and stare at fucking ceiling up there.
The radio ad "Hi, I'm Jeff Healey from the Jeff Healey Band. Don't drink and drive.
I don't." Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. Healey. You're blind for God's
sake!
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" didn't really give me a choice, did ya
there buddy?
When something is new and improved, which is it? If its new, then there has never
been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something
before it.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going. You
should know, asshole. You fucking pulled me over!