HATE.language/Desolate

As many of you know, or may not know, I was once an admin for an Text Based Online Multiplayer Role Playing Game, or TBOMRPG. The place was Desolation, taking place in New Nevada, shortly after World War 3.

Some crazy things were said, at times. I happened to log some of them...

<gossip> Klyde: I have a plan that involves several rolls of toilet paper, a pack of gum, a jar of grape jelly, 2 bottles of rotgut, one of gamma gulp beer, and a mongoose.
<gossip> Turk: Alright magiver.
<gossip> Bitterman: this isnt an elaborate plan to fuck the mongoose is it?
<gossip> Klyde: uh... no...?
<gossip> Bitterman: listen to those items man.
<gossip> Bitterman: jelly for lube, gum and beer for the pain, and tp to wipe up.
<gossip> Turk: LOL.
<gossip> Klyde: okay... the jelly is the lube, the gum is for the mongoose to bite on, the beer is so I wont remember it and TP for cleanup.
<gossip> Turk: You just think bad.
<gossip> Bitterman: no I dont, see, he said the same thing.
<gossip> Bitterman: don't jerk me arround man, I've played fuck the mongoose before, I know what I'm doing.
<gossip> Klyde: rofl.
<gossip> Turk: lol.

<gossip> Cykotik: bitterman, put that baseball bat away, I don't like where this is going.

<gossip> Devil: I'd like to slit Britney Spears's throat and chew on her fucking vocal chords until I feel her jugular vein splatter in my mouth, so I can douse her in petrol and ignite her, so her make-up caked skin chars and bubbles up with blisters full of pus and bloody slime, wreaking of burnt pork as I laugh triumphantly, stomping on his head until her head came apart under my boot and I could see her brains smear all over the heel of my cheap combat boot!
<gossip> Devil: Does anyone else feel like that sometimes? No? Okay...
<gossip> Devil goes back to coding.
<gossip> Specks: Geez, Devil, and all I want to do is fuck her in the ass...

Head says: dont point at my girl....
Wrack says: your girl? man, from what I hear, evenyone dun had that bitch.
Head says: I was the 1st.
Wrack says: and the 23rd, and 85th, and the 1229th.

<gossip> Andyc: anyone know where Bitter went?
<gossip> Specks: Probably went to go masturbate.

Devil says: i found myself wearing nothing but a bath robe, boxers, and Mr. Grinch slippers, babbling crazy shit like "My God is a French whore. Worship my clitoris priest!", and lunging at visitors whenever I answered the door.

Bitterman says: I dont like having breasts.
Devil says: i think Marilyn Manson said that once.

Devil says: My ex's parents are Mormons... I jacked off in their cool-whip and they made chocolate cream pudding with it, and fed it to their church group.

<gossip> Killah: I hear it's full of cracked out english and spaniards.
<gossip> Bitterman: yeah, but isnt everything?

<gossip> Dagg: Ah, those were the good days, I still remember the posts on the old Interplay message board site that I did, and the people who used to be there.
<gossip> Bitterman: no you dont.
<gossip> Bitterman: you dont even remember this morning when we had sex.
<gossip> Dagg: WTF?
<gossip> Bitterman: see, you dont remember.
<gossip> Andyc: what?!
<gossip> Bitterman: I told you.

<gossip> Brad: my bother accessed my character earlier.
<gossip> Brad: the bastard.
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Bitterman: do me a quick favor, and on behalf of all of Desolation, punch him in the nuts for us.
<gossip> Brad: my pleasure. give me half a minute,
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Brad: what do i do with him now ? he's on the floor in agony.
<gossip> Bitterman shrugs.
<gossip> Brad: and what exactly did he do ?
<gossip> Bitterman: requested an mp5k that shoots gummy bears.
<gossip> Brad screams.
<gossip> Brad: i'll go hit him again.
<gossip> Bitterman nods, "Good thinking"

<gossip> Bitterman: speaking of big bird cock rings, (insert sexual harrasment lawsuit here), how are you doing Ellen?

<cre> Bitterman: I want one of these.
<cre> Bitterman: http://www.nerf.com/products/power/ballzooka.html.
<cre> Paco laughs out loud.
<cre> Bitterman: Matt! You need to clean the house! *pop* Ow!
<cre> Arkandor: just one *pop*?
<cre> Bitterman: thats all you need dude, thats all you need.
<cre> Bitterman: gotta save some for the cat.
<cre> Arkandor: dude, that's why you keep a pocket full of balls.
<cre> Bitterman: heheh heh you said pocket full of balls.
<cre> Arkandor: *POP*
<cre> Bitterman falls to the floor, twitching spastically.

<gossip> Devil: I just want to smuggle a cinder block up to the Empire State Building, and throw it off... just to see how much damage I could do.
<gossip> Bitterman: dude, no wonder you can't get a chick.
<gossip> Devil: Shut up, dammit.
<gossip> Bitterman: you just have sex with her, and then you're laying in bed, cuddling, and you say "I wonder what it's like to eat paste, and then lick small children.."

<gossip> Devil: I wish women would just shut the hell up, accept the fact that I'm DEAD SEXY, but SLIGHTLY STRANGE, and deal with it.
<gossip> Devil: I mean, I have a large penis, a fetish for going down on girls, a very high sexual stamina, and to top it all off, I'm a real sweet-heart... if someone could deal with the occassional sick comment, and just get back to the affectionate, romantic side of me, then I'd be fine.

<gossip> Bitterman: man.. you like need to.. think before you speak.
<gossip> Bitterman: if what you're going to say involves violence, or otherwise brings a smile to your face, you probably shouldnt say it.
<gossip> Devil: so I should just hold it in... then as soon as I go home, go outside on my back porch, and scream "GOD DAMN! I FEEL LIKE WIPING MY ASS WITH A SALAMANDER AND CHASING TODDLERS AROUND WITH BLOOD-DRENCHED TAMPONS!"
<gossip> Bitterman ... yes.

<gossip> Devil: you know what, Bitter? You should make an entire section on HATE about all the fucked up things I say. :)
<gossip> Devil: didn't you used to log all the wacko shit I used to babble?
<gossip> Bitterman: oh, im still logging it.
<gossip> Bitterman snickers.
<gossip> Devil: Whoops. :)

<cre> Devil: i have my own fetish. It's called "What the FUCK!?!"
<cre> Devil: it's the words that come out of my partner's mouth when I get up in the middle of sex, dismount her, and walk into my kitchen butt naked to make myself a sandwich.
<cre> Bitterman: at least he's not saying wacky shit like "I wonder what it's like to eat paste, and then lick small children" again.
<cre> Devil: well, that too.

<gossip> Punkey: im making a "Funny Things Said In Desolation" doc.
<gossip> Bitterman: you can't Punkey, I already started one.

<gossip> Bitterman: what part of "stop making items to kill the players" are you not understanding here, jackass.

<gossip> Bitterman: dammit, what am I suppost to do with this hard on...

<gossip> Dunn: but some neat discripitons.
<gossip> Midian: that's ok, i just wanna sheck it out.
<gossip> Bitterman: neat?
<gossip> Bitterman blinks.
<gossip> Arkandor ...
<gossip> Bitterman: a nude dead corpse of a female, and you say neat?

<gossip> Toad: holy mother of god! what's that * by specks' name?

<cre> Bitterman: so, wha'd you get Jesus for his birthday?
<cre> Arkandor: A 'Jesus Saves' coffee mug.
<cre> Bitterman nods.
<cre> Arkandor: you?
<cre> Bitterman: I got him a "What Would Jesus Do?" shirt, and cap.
<cre> Arkandor nods.
<cre> Bitterman: I hope it's the right size.
<cre> Arkandor nods.
<cre> Bitterman: I also got him a book on learning how to play the piano.. I know he's been wanting to ever since that whole "large spikes through the wrist and nailed to a cross" deal.
<cre> Arkandor: oh yea, I also got him a 'Mr. Hankey' doll.

<cre> Arkandor: I'd like someone to get me a Mr. Hankey doll...
<cre> Arkandor: so that way... some day, years down the line. In a heated arguement I can throw it back in their face.
<cre> Arkandor: OH YEA?! REMEMBER CHRISTMAS OF 2000?! YOU GOT ME CRAP FOR CHRISTMAS! CRAP YOU HEAR ME?!
<cre> Arkandor: NOT EVEN REAL CRAP! YOU HAD TO GET ME FAKE, STUFFED, MADE IN TAIWAN CRAP!
<cre> Arkandor runs into his room crying and slams the door.

<gossip> Bitterman: I just took a very large, and painful shit.
<gossip> Rynthas: I told you not to put razorblades in your wheaties.
<gossip> Bitterman: BUT IT TASTES GOOD!
<gossip> Bitterman: ow!
<gossip> Rynthas notes there are better ways to get your iron.

<gossip> Valence: Oh. You mean Gary Coleman?

<gossip> Devil: is that the sci-fi porn shit?
<gossip> Devil: good lord, is that porn retarded. some nude chick getting sprayed with green cum from a 3-foot foam-rubber dildo that's supposed to be an alien penis...
<gossip> Bitterman ... what?
<gossip> Bitterman: ok, you, don't talk anymore.

<gossip> Armrha: If it hadn't been for that massive cock... damnit.

<gossip> Turk humps the goat, oh my!
<gossip> Turk humps the goat, oh my!
<gossip> Turk humps the goat, oh my!

Devil says: Thats like, degrading yourself. Lowering your standards to go out with the greasy fat chick who works at Taco Bell.
Bitterman says: ... but I like Tacos.

<gossip> Threadbare: what can I get for 60 bucks?
<gossip> Devil: a blowjob from Jessia! :)
<gossip> Midian: hey that's my chick youre talkin about.
<gossip> Devil: hey, if you throw in an extra five bucks, she takes her dentures out!
<gossip> Midian: and it's $80- and i get my cut first lol.
<gossip> Devil: i don't care who gets first cut. I call anus.

<gossip> Paperboy: bitterman , could u sell me a proton axe ???

<gossip> Jackson: nevermind.im remembering the wierdest most usless stuff right now..ive had alotta coffee...
<gossip> Bitterman: I'm going to tell you the same thing I told my 6 yr old nephew, Jackson.
<gossip> Bitterman: Dude, caffine is bad for you. You should smoke crack instead.
<gossip> Jackson: you astound me with youre neverending logic bitterman...

<gossip> Natalia: Which reminds me, you didn't pay either! And you never did give back that dildo you were borrowing...
<gossip> Bitterman shrugs, and continues sharpening the tip of the dildo. Then with lightning quick reflexes, he launches the spiked dildo at Natalia.
<gossip> Natalia catches the dildo in the eye, "I told you you'd have someone's eye out with that thing damnit!"
<gossip> Bitterman flicks a "pocket rocket" out from under his sleeve. He tosses it with percision accuracy at Natalia's other eye.
<gossip> Natalia stands with her arms folded, "Ok, that's not funny, where are you all?"
<gossip> Bitterman: why do I feel like a really queer super hero all of a sudden.
<gossip> Rynthas shrugs, "Gee Bitterman, I don't know?"
<gossip> Midian: blinding her, so she'll do ya, huh?
<gossip> Bitterman spins arround, hurling razor sharp condoms at Midian.
<gossip> Midian: argh!!! That lube burns!

<cre> Bitterman: I don't log anything unless it makes me go "what?"
<cre> Turk: Hey bitterman.
<cre> Bitterman: what?
<cre> Turk: Ok log it.

<cre> Devil: When I was like, five, I always had this fucked up dream where this 300 foot tall Dolly Parton would squat down and fuck a grain silo, with her planetarium-sized boobies bouncing up and down as she humped away while the farmer just kept on harvesting, like this giant bitch wasn't straddling his grain silo, and everything was alright on his farm. Like how his entire silo was covered in vaginal fluids, and that was just a normal, everyday thing for that guy.
<cre> Devil: That's normal, right?
<cre> Specks: Oh yeah, Devil, I had those dreams too.
<cre> Bitterman: If you're trying to get in the log again, I'm not impressed.
<cre> Devil: No, I'm serious. Whenever we'd be on road trips, I'd fall asleep in the car and dream about Big-Booby Bitches humping grain silos.

<cre> Arkandor: ow, ow, fucking ow, adjust my sweats and my god damn dick gets caught in the pullstring.
<cre> Bitterman ...

<gossip> Arkandor: Here's today's thought of wisdom.
<gossip> Arkandor: Rope burns suck.
<gossip> Arkandor: This has been today's thought of wisdom, thank you for your time.

<cre> Arkandor: Hey, you've all said disgusting things that we've rather not heard about, like Devil's fetish "What the Fuck?!" and your pr0n idea, "Spooge"
<cre> Arkandor: Well this is mine fucker! YOU EAT IT HARD BITCH!
<cre> Arkandor ...
<cre> Arkandor: I gotta stop going to sleep at 4am...
<cre> Bitterman: dude.

<cre> Bitterman: added to the log.
<cre> Arkandor ...
<cre> Bitterman: what?
<cre> Arkandor: Dude, that thing is like you child, I'm surprised you don't just say, "Oh look, something to feed to
Bitterboy."
<cre> Bitterman: I added that to the log too.
<cre> Arkandor ...

<gossip> Cassius: uhhh...what just transpired right there?
<gossip> Squid: not sure.
<gossip> Squid: armrha has been in either the peyote, or the catnip.
<gossip> Squid: I can't tell which.
<gossip> Cassius goes, "Heh."

<gossip> Cliff: you shoulda let me explain it Bitter... It woulda ment the same anyway from the sound of it.
<gossip> Bitterman: no it wouldn't.
<gossip> Bitterman: you would've confused them with your "blha blah, get herpes, blah blah, armrha, blah, sleeper"
<gossip> Bitterman: just shut up.
<gossip> Cliff: actually I'd ended up by saying it wasn't incoporated and you'd use for RP purposes.
<gossip> Cliff shrugs.
<gossip> Bitterman: perhaps you missed part of the conversation, so I'll recap.
<gossip> Bitterman: shut up.
<gossip> Turk: I missed all of the convo.......but still.....shut up.
<gossip> Bitterman raises two hand puppets, and talks with the left one, "Blah blah, Darwin, I'm cool, yeah, herpes."
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the right one, "Shut up"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the left puppet, "Sleeper base.. blah. blah.. herpes.. blah blah.. I like to make Bitter mad"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the right hand, "Shut up"
<gossip> Bitterman talks with the left puppet, "Bleh"
<gossip> Rynthas straps on his sock puppet and enters the conversation.
<gossip> Bitterman watches as the right puppet viciously attacks the left puppet, with a miniature baseball bat.
<gossip> Rynthas speaks with his newbie puppet, "?"
<gossip> Bitterman turns to the newbie puppet, with his right hand speaking, "Little hand, little hand, let me in!" Right puppet waves his bat arround.
<gossip> Rynthas speaks again with the newbie puppet, "So...how do I use the Medic skill?"
<gossip> Bitterman opens the front door, and walks into the newbie puppet's brick house. His right hand begins to wail away on the newbie puppet with his bat.
<gossip> Rynthas bites his lip until it bleeds as his hand in the puppet is crushed into a bloody paste.
<gossip> Cliff goes, "..." then shakes his head.
<gossip> Bitterman bows, and walks off stage.

<gossip> Kirov: why isn't there a vendor in cloud nine! i need my alcohol damnit!
<gossip> Bitterman: because people would always attack them.
<gossip> Bitterman: and bad coding led to errors out of both of them.
<gossip> Bitterman: like.. a flood of errors.
<gossip> Bitterman: and it was either A) Comment them out of the room until they're fixed, or B) Gouge my eyes out with MY DICK!
<gossip> Kirov ...
<gossip> Rynthas: Both were tempting options, but the coin favored A..
<gossip> Bitterman nods at Rynthas.
<gossip> Rynthas shrugs, "Yeah, I probably coulda sold the tape on E-bay if it hadda been B."
<gossip> Kirov: that's oscar material.
<gossip> Rynthas: You mean oscar can put his eye out with his own dick? Wow. A man of many talents.
<gossip> Bitterman: Sessame Street has come a long way.
<gossip> Rynthas raises an eyebrow.
<gossip> Bitterman: you know.. that dude that lived in the trash can.
<gossip> Rynthas blinks again. "Oh, yeah...forgot. Man....small wonder he's grouchy, I know I'd stay pissed off if my dick kept poking my eye."

Cheltham kicks the rats outta the way.
Cheltham says: Damn rats.
Bitterman looks at Cheltham, "Hey.. hey.. don be messin' with Juan.. he's a good rat."
Cheltham says: Juan? Damn I thought that was J.J. He once gnawed my ear since then I dont like him.
Bitterman shrugs, "I don't know who the fuck it was.. there's like 80 of them.."

<gossip> Jon: So the same as happens on gossip?
<gossip> Jon: Just for wizzes only?
<gossip> Paco: no.
<gossip> Paco: cre is much cooler.
<gossip> You nod at Paco.
<gossip> Bitterman: mainly because we can do this on cre.
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: and you never know about it.
<gossip> Jon: so you could be saying mean things about us behind our backs?
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: yes.
<gossip> Jon: not that you'd ever do that.
<cre> Squid smacks Jon.
<cre> Bitterman smacks Jon.
<cre> Squid smacks Jon.
<gossip> Bitterman: no, we'd never.

<gossip> Valence: I bought my girlfriend the Collected Works of Shakespeare for Valentine's.
<gossip> Bitterman: no wonder you two haven't had sex.
<gossip> Bitterman says to himself, "Damn, that was cold."

<gossip> Andyc: I remember the Police.
<gossip> Andyc: My mum likes them.
<gossip> Dagg bahs.
<gossip> Bitterman: then your mom is gay, Andy.
<gossip> Bitterman: wait, did I just say that?
<gossip> Andyc slaps the living fuck out of you!
<gossip> Bitterman: but seriously tho, she is gay.
<gossip> Bitterman: I saw her in a movie once.
<gossip> David laughs.
<gossip> Bitterman: but man, I don't think I've ever seen a woman that was a bigger lesbian then your mom, andy.
<gossip> Dagg blinks.
<gossip> Dagg: What the hell?
<gossip> Dagg: Get the lesbians off of your mind, Bitter!
<gossip> Bitterman: dude, shut up, you haven't seen Andy's mom.

<newbie> Arkandor: to make it easier for all those 'this-should-be-more-like-quake' people, we've shortened the skill
system down to just one skill.
<newbie> Arkandor: 1337ness.
<newbie> Ishmael: Ah. 1337.
<newbie> Arkandor: it goes up by talking in leetspeak and trash talking anything that kills you.
<newbie> Bitterman: it also helps to have no other real skills, just 1337ness.

<cre> Bitterman: I was standing there, looking up at her, grinding on the pool table, showing me her thong.
<cre> Bitterman: I was thinking.
<cre> Bitterman: if they knew this was going to happen.. that religion would become a farce.. a tool of greed.. and the very sins that they tried to stop people from commiting.
<cre> Bitterman: that in the house of the lord, a boy would be paying another girl for sexual favors.
<cre> Bitterman: would they still have done it?

<gossip> Valence: No, I don't want to. There has to be something less painful than ass-rape.
<gossip> Bitterman shakes his head.
<gossip> Bitterman: nothing beats ass.
<gossip> Nicholai: Play Wheel of Fortune?
<gossip> Valence: Yes, I'd say Wheel of Fortune is much lesss painful than ass-rape.
<gossip> Valence: In one case you win fabulous prizes, in the other, you get a bleeding anus.
<gossip> Bitterman: you didn't say it was rape last night tho.
<gossip> Valence: It was rape, I'd have said so if you hadn't put the duct tape over my mouth.
<gossip> Bitterman: I thought you liked the duct tape.
<gossip> Valence: You also thought I liked the ass-rape, didn't you.
<gossip> Bitterman: espically when I ripped it off of your testicles.
<gossip> Valence: Didn't bother to ask, you just interpreted my screams of, "Oh God, you've ripped off my balls, you mother-fucker." as sighs of pleasure.
<gossip> Bitterman makes a pulling motion, as if he's ripping off imaginary duct tape, "You seemed to shiver with delight"
<gossip> Valence: That was shock and pain, not delight.
<gossip> Bitterman: well that explains the blood..
<gossip> Valence: Needless to say, I do not wish to repeat the ass-raping, the duct tape removing, or the cattle prod incident.

<gossip> Tuyen: Probably a hopeless question, but has anyone seens Kastyr around?
<gossip> Bitterman: Kastyr killed himself.
<gossip> Viktor blinks.
<gossip> Bitterman sighs.
<gossip> Tuyen: Er, Come again?
<gossip> Bitterman: his funeral is tomorrow.
<gossip> Tuyen: You're fucking joking.
<gossip> Bitterman: I know.
<gossip> Bitterman: I mean.. what?
<gossip> Viktor grimaces.
<gossip> Cheltham doesnt think its funny.
<gossip> Bitterman: he didn't get it when I told him he killed himself either.

<gossip> Paco shrugs, "One of my old girlfriends once told me, 'Everyone needs a good fisting sometimes.'.....I dumped her the next day."

<gossip> Zane: Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
<gossip> Bitterman: the romans did.. didn't they kill him?
<gossip> St. Venato: yeah, stuck him on a big wood thingie.

<cre> Turk: Cre is like the. "Stuff we couldn't show you on gossip"
<cre> Squid snickers.
<cre> Squid: yeah, just imagine what the admin channel is like.
<admin> Bitterman ponders . o O ( Cheese )

<cre> Devil: Holy shit... I've been trying to get one of my earrings in for the past ten minutes, and it wouldn't go into the hole. So, I just got pissed off at it and rammed it into the hole, until I felt the back poke me under my ear. Then I realized that the hole was half a centimeter away... and my fucking ear hurts.

Devil says: I was thinking one cool puzzle...
Devil says: You're in hell, right... and you gotta find a bunch of keys to open various doors while you shoot your way past Imps, zombie soldiers, and Cyber-Demons.
Devil says: Wait, that'll get us sued.

<gossip> Sydney: I heard Bitterman doesn't want ppl like me to know the color code. Is that true?
<gossip> Stryker: He doesn't want you to use them in an act of flamboyant gayness.
<gossip> Arkandor: much like in the way you just used it.

<gossip> Armrha: I was just talking to my SO, and she said 'have fun on your dirt thing tonight.'
<gossip> Armrha: and I was like, 'What?'
<gossip> Armrha: and she was like 'You know, the dirt thing, with bitterman and all the coding and stuff.'
<gossip> Armrha: and I was like, What? Desolation?
<gossip> Armrha: and she was like, no, the dirt, mud thing!

Bitterman says: And by the way.. Charles read's the quote page.. he's a big fan.
Devil asks: ...our quote page?
Bitterman nods.
Devil says: ...that thing's almost cost me a girlfriend, a job, and numerous friends.
Turk says: You should call him Devil. And be ilke. Yo this is Devil. I eat Babies.
Bitterman snickers.
Devil asks: Should I talk like a complete flamer, just to dissapoint him?
Bitterman shakes his head.
Turk cackles.
Turk says: Yeah even better.
Devil says: "I was expecting someone..." "STRAIGHT!?! HA! NO!"
Turk rolls on the floor laughing.
Devil says: (flails wrist)
Devil says: ...hrm.
Turk says: Hell. I'm going to call him and act like Devil.
Devil says: I'm sure his caller-ID will let'em know right away it's me. :P.
Bitterman shakes his head.
Bitterman says: He'll go "What?" and answer.
Bitterman says: That's what he always does with odd numbers.
Turk says: And then rub his nipples as he talks.
Bitterman nods at Turk.
Turk says: Wiat..that's what i do when he talks on the phone.
Bitterman says: You going to call him or not, cock sore?
Turk asks: Right now?
Bitterman says: Not you, him.
Turk says: Oh the other cock sore.
Bitterman says: That's right.. the one with unidentifiable pink discharge.

<gossip> Devil: I bet Bitterman looks like a really pale, skinny Billy Ray Cyrus. Bwahahaha!
<gossip> Turk: Me drunk.
<gossip> Lucus: I always think of 'mung' when I hear 'mang'
<gossip> Bitterman: don't make me go grab the digital camera and take pictures of my penis, Devil.
<gossip> Turk: No. His Mullet belongs to me!
<gossip> Devil: I don't care about your penis... take pictures of the mullet.
<gossip> Bitterman: no, you're getting cock pictures now.
<gossip> Devil: Give me mullet pictures, and I'll look at the cock. Those are my demands, or I'm going to kill this Virtual Pet...
<gossip> Devil holds a revolver up to a Tomagotchi.
<gossip> Bitterman waits.
<gossip> Devil: Oh, c'mon! Someone try and stop me.
<gossip> Bitterman shakes his head.
<gossip> Devil sighs, and shoots the Tomagotchi. "Take that, Froggiyokaropi!"
<gossip> Bitterman claps.
<gossip> Bitterman takes many pictures in celebration.
<gossip> Devil: You better have some mullet pictures in there, or I swear I'm sending the penis pictures straight to Stile Project, and telling him you're my ex-boyfriend that contracted anal warts.
<gossip> Paco wonders what the fuck a Tomagotchi is, but decides not to ask.
<gossip> Devil: Warts! All over your butt-hole!
<gossip> Devil: I'll tell them all you've got speed-bumps in your brown eye!
<gossip> Armrha: but they won't know who he is.
<gossip> Devil: I'll tell them to come to Desolation, and ask about Bitterman.
<gossip> Devil: Then we'll all laugh! NO! WE WON'T LAUGH! WE'LL CACKLE!
<gossip> Devil: But really though... enough about cock... more mullet talk.

Trujillo asks: Should it be set area cre, like here?
Arkandor shrugs.
Arkandor says: No mobs wandering the cre area.
Bitterman says: Yeah, but shout. works with area
Arkandor asks: Yea, but, how often are we milling about the cre area?
Bitterman shouts: GOD DAMMIT!
Lucus shouts: What?
Bitterman says: See.
Bitterman says: I rest my case.
Arkandor blinks.
Bitterman shouts: Nothing, just proving to Ark that we use shout in the cre area.
Arkandor shouts: FUCK YOU LUCUS!

<cre> Armrha: how much should they bet.
<cre> Armrha: on the horse race.
<cre> Bitterman: dog race.
<cre> Armrha: dog is not a number.

<gossip> Heidern: Crickets like to hang out in those things on the sidewalk, I can't remember what their called...
<gossip> Bitterman: whores?
<gossip> Heidern: What are they called... The things in the sidewalk, with the meter inside...
<gossip> Bitterman: meters inside.. yes, whores.

<cre> Armrha: In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

<announce> Jesus enters Desolation.
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Jesus.
<gossip> Bitterman: HAIL!
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Devil.
<gossip> Arkandor peers at Jesus.
<gossip> Arkandor ponders the situation at hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: I KNEW IT! HE SAID HE'D BE BACK IN 2000 YEARS!
<gossip> Viktor: i'm not gonna hail him.
<gossip> Andyc: Hey, are they gonna have a boxing match?
<gossip> Bitterman: PRAISE THE LORD! FOR HE HATH COME!
<gossip> Devil: Shut the fuck up... I can be any religious icon I want.
<gossip> Arkandor: Place yer bets right here!
<gossip> Jesus: Yeah!
<gossip> Bitterman bows to Jesus.
<gossip> Jesus wonders if he'll ever play piano again...
<gossip> Jesus: Ok... I'm Jesus, the Messiah... son of God, King of Man, the Savior of All You Fucking Sinner Morons.
<gossip> Jesus gets a sly grin on his face.
<gossip> Jesus: Who wants to suck my dick?
<gossip> Viktor starts to raise his hand, then quickly glances around and puts it down again.
<gossip> Ghost Dog: he's fake.
<gossip> Jesus yells: "I SAID WHO WANTS TO SUCK MY DICK!?!!"
<gossip> Ghost Dog: he's fake.
<gossip> Viktor: i only suck the dick of the almighty Karl Marx.
<gossip> Ghost Dog: I'd rather suck Judas' dick.
<gossip> Bitterman: YOU DARE DOUBT THE WORD OF OUR LORD, GHOST DOG?
<gossip> Andyc doesn't suck dick.
<gossip> Bitterman: NOW DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, AND SUCK THE DICK OF OUR MESSIAH!
<gossip> Jesus frowns: "But... I died on the cross for Karl Marx... and you'd suck his dick over mine?"
<gossip> Viktor shakes his head.
<gossip> Viktor: well.. yeah.
<gossip> Jesus screams: "BLASPHEMOUS JEW!" as he throttles Viktor.
<gossip> Jesus pauses in mid-strangle: "Wait... I'm a Jew."
<gossip> Bitterman: you all do know that they are building a special place in Hell for us all, right now.

<gossip> Arcticfox: i don't see how the conversation evolved from "fuck katie, bitterman" to "man, that boy loves cough drops."

<cre> Bitterman: well, metaphorically kicked in the nuts.
<cre> Bitterman: not actual shoe to the crotch.

<gossip> Devil: I'm sick of women being self-contradictary, deceptive, and otherwise uncomfortable to be around. I think I'll go gay...
<gossip> Devil: Hey, Bitt... what's Jonster's number?
<gossip> Turk blinks at Devil.
<gossip> Bitterman: Jonsters number?
<gossip> Devil shrugs.
<gossip> Devil: It's a start.
<gossip> Bitterman: what the fuck are you talking about?
<gossip> Devil: Bah... nevermind.
<gossip> Devil walks off to get yet another cigarette.
<gossip> Bitterman: Devil.. dude.. just go fuck your girl up the ass.
<gossip> Bitterman: don't go gay on us.
<gossip> Devil blinks.
<gossip> Reno laughs out loud.
<gossip> Bitterman: wow.. I said something so bizare.. it made Devil blink.
<gossip> Bitterman: I'm fucking good.

<gossip> Bitterman: so who wants pie?
<gossip> Lucus: Erm, what kind?
<gossip> Mercy: PIE!
<gossip> Bitterman: some "Foot up your ass" pie for you Lucus.
<gossip> Lucus: I'd love some!
<gossip> Bitterman props his leg up on the table, with a bottle of lotion. He gingerly squirts lotion all over the toe of his boot, rubbing it in good, getting it nice and smooth, "Alright, one Foot up your ass pie, coming right up."
<gossip> Lucus bends over, pulls down his pants, and opens his cheeks up wide. "Come on, big boy."
<gossip> Mercy: Bad image.
<gossip> Bitterman swings his foot back, "It's about to get worse, Mercy."
<gossip> Trujillo: Just wait for the giggling, Mercy.
<gossip> Mercy winces, waiting for impact.
<gossip> Lucus grins in anticipation.

<gossip> Bitterman: my wrist, and elbow hurt.
<gossip> Bitterman: I gotta quit talking to my girl on the phone so much.
<gossip> Bitterman: or I need one of those telemarketer head sets.
<gossip> Lucus: Yes.... "Talking to your girl on the phone."
<gossip> Bitterman: no dude.. this isn't a masturbation type injurry.
<gossip> Bitterman: this is a holding a phone to my head for 3 hours straight getting an arm cramp type injurry.
<gossip> Mercy knows the injury.
<gossip> Bitterman: which? the masturbation injurry or the phone one?
<gossip> Lucus: Don't they go hand in the hand?
<gossip> Bitterman: no, you're doing it wrong, it's cock in hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: or phone in hand.
<gossip> Bitterman: not hand in hand.. that's "We are the World"

<gossip> Rynthas: But, on the other hand Tru, both baseball and sodomy have the 7th inning stretch.

<gossip> Paco: sleep....heh, wish i could do that.
<gossip> Paco is going on 11 days without sleep.
<gossip> Bitterman: Paco, do what I tell my girl.
<gossip> Bitterman: just kinda lay down.. try to relax.. and think about me.
<gossip> Paco: that'll give me nightmares though.
<gossip> Bitterman: hey, sleep is sleep.

<cre> Bitterman: you're reminding me of the talk I had with my girl earlier.. she was all lying in bed, telling me how tired she was, and how she should go.
<cre> Bitterman: and then we'd talk for another half hour, until she brought it up again.
<cre> Paco: er....i'm reminding you of a girl?.....
<cre> Paco shudders.
<cre> Bitterman: until finally I was like "Dammit, sweet heart, I love you, go to bed"
<cre> Paco: heh....i'm going to bed before you call me sweetheart then.

<gossip> Bitterman: you fight your way into an area called the tower of babel.
<gossip> Mercy: Only to have some moron fly a plane into the tower?
<gossip> Bitterman nods at Mercy.

<gossip> Devil: "You're A Stupid Fuck"... coming soon to Six Flags over Georgia.
<gossip> Devil: I love that... how amusement parks have the blatantly obvious names for their rides, which are an outright sign that they're not enjoyable... but they still have lines two hours long to get to them.
<gossip> Bitterman: I'm waiting for rides with names like "Pain" and "Insufferable Rash"
<gossip> Devil: They might as well be: "The Spin-You-Upside-Down-And-Get-Stuck-Suddenly-For-30-Minutes Coaster"
<gossip> Bitterman: or the day when the tickets you buy come with concent forms.
<gossip> Arkandor: "Suspicious Boil On Your Asshole"
<gossip> Trujillo: "Ride the new Cedar Point rollercoast, 'Nonconsentual Fistfuck!'
<gossip> Devil: Or, "You Will Shit Your Pants. We Repeat: You will SHIT, YOUR, PANTS." ... and it'd still have 50+ people standing behind it.
<gossip> Trujillo: "Ally MacBeal: The Movie: The Ride."
<gossip> Devil: There should be a roller-coaster called "The Fabio" ... where in the middle of it, they unleash 50 high-velocity geese into the path of the roller-coaster, resulting in your face colliding with the geese, mangling the bird, and shattering your nose.
<gossip> Arkandor: FreeFall on Sharp, infected objects.
<gossip> Bitterman: The Happy Time Abortion Fun Ride!
<gossip> Arkandor: The Impregnator 5000. The ride that you'll take something away from.
<gossip> Bitterman: 3D Flight Simulator: New for 2002! Updated New York map!

<gossip> Trujillo: www.kfc.jp.
<gossip> Trujillo: The "Harvest" button leads to KFC Farms, which is disturbing in its own right.
<gossip> Trujillo: Shows pictures of carrots tomatos, dogs, spices, chickens.
<gossip> Trujillo: Notice- one of these things does not belong.
<gossip> Bitterman: uhhh.. the carrot?
<gossip> Trujillo nods.
<gossip> Trujillo: Who the hell eats carrots!?
<gossip> Bitterman: those fuckers!
<gossip> Bitterman: I think those are foxes dude.
<gossip> Trujillo: Oh, well that's better.
<gossip> Trujillo: May be Tanooki, too.
<gossip> Trujillo: Which still falls firmly into the "neither chicken nor biscuit" category.
<gossip> Bitterman nods.

<gossip> Rynthas: Mmm...Asian Lesbian Porn.
<announce> Rynthas has left Desolation.

<gossip> Devil: I'm not playing God, you jackass. I'm playing Devil. :)

<cre> Squid: turk, you dumbass.

<announce> Tupac enters Desolation.
<gossip> Lucus: But... you're dead!

<cre> Devil: Shit. The lumberjack fuckers are here. I've gotta jet.

<gossip> Foxx: My point was that I have UT, which is much better than quake, so I don't need it...
<gossip> Bitterman: you are a whore.
<gossip> Bitterman: nothing is better then Quake.
<gossip> Bitterman draws his sword, "Defend yourself, harlot!"
<gossip> Foxx: Er...

<cre> Turk: Help me convince them i'm gay!

<gossip> Bitterman: you know, Fabio, that dude, with the chest, and all the girls go "Yay!"

<cre> Bitterman: every now and then I'd lose a newbie to random heyena attack tho.
<cre> Bitterman: that sucked.

<gossip> Viktor: i'm wondering. why am i singing really off-key in a 4 foot cartboard tube?
<gossip> Bitterman: because you're foreign.
<gossip> Bitterman: and that's what foreigners do.
<gossip> Viktor: oh yeah.
<gossip> Bitterman: until someone says I've had enough of you, and they put you on a boat to America.
<gossip> Viktor: that would be cool.
<gossip> Bitterman: where what you do, becomes normal, to people who masturbate into jars of vasoline, mix it up, and serve it to their loved ones on toast, with jelly.
<gossip> Bitterman: for that is the american way.. to take babies and put them on spikes.. who cares.

[OOC] Technocrat says: We got in an argument and I said, "Jennifer! I want to see you and your mom in thigh-high black vinal boots, day-glow green miniskirts, and international orange halter toprs singing 'Me sucky sucky! Me sucky suck! Me love you long time!'"...
[OOC] Technocrat says: She doesn't speak to me anymore.

<gossip> Pitbull: you have a boy fetish, Venato.
<gossip> Arkandor: what do you expect? He was in the navy. ;)

<gossip> Trujillo: As the monstrous mutant saurian entered him roughly, Ultra Seven's hidden eyes widened impossibly, breath catching in his constricted throat and fingers digging ditch-sized furroughs in the ground beneath him. The pain was unbearably, a smouldering length of near-molten iron exploring his most private places... and then, suddenly, the paradigm shifted, and air seemed to sing to the alien Ultra Team member as finally, he breathed... Blossoming within him was the realization that this was his true purpose, this was what he had always sought!
<gossip> Trujillo: And so forth.

<gossip> Bitterman calmly throws a chicklet at Viktor, at an attempt to make him shut up.
<gossip> Viktor lunges at the chicklet.
<gossip> Bitterman: quick Tru! Reel in the line!
<gossip> Trujillo nods at Bitt, and hits the "reverse" switch on the winch!
<gossip> Trujillo: We got'im!
<gossip> Trujillo gives a high-five to Bitterman.
<gossip> Bitterman dances..
<gossip> Viktor catches the large jagged hook in his testicles, in some freaky unexplained way, that he's so abt at.
<gossip> Viktor calmy lets himself get dragged along.

<gossip> Trujillo hereby dubs Bitter a Motherfucker-In-Training.
<gossip> Trujillo: Good work, Matt. Welcome to the club.
<gossip> Squid snickers.
<gossip> Bitterman nods.
<gossip> Bitterman: thank you, thank you.
<gossip> Viktor stands outside the club house, all alone and sad...
<gossip> Bitterman: it is truly an honor, to be welcomed into your esteemed assciociation.
<gossip> Trujillo: We're sure you can make us proud, son.

<gossip> Trujillo: Yes, but it's Shaft, Bitt. It's allowed. Shaft brings people together.

<gossip> Josh: He's trying to get into your pants.
<gossip> Sethron raises an eyebrow.. "I'm sure...."
<gossip> Rafael: Only thing scarier than being hugged by your friends is being hugged by your enemies.
<gossip> Sethron: nope.. getting into my pants isn't so hard.. y'know.. I'm not that thin...
<gossip> Sethron: most people could fit in my pants...
<gossip> Sethron: well... maybe not most...
<gossip> Sethron: but any skinny person..
<gossip> Bitterman takes notes, "Easy to get into Sethron's pants.."

<gossip> Jacktycoma: :) im gonna go HnS for a while.
<gossip> Einstein: have no sex?
<gossip> Jacktycoma: hack n slash.

<gossip> Foxx: I don't know if I can handle having a kid...
<gossip> Armrha: Me neither. Don't have the uterus for it.

<gossip> Jacktycoma: i gotta wok my dog.
<gossip> Armrha: don't stir fry your dog!
<gossip> Armrha: it's cruel.
<gossip> Jacktycoma: brb.
<gossip> Armrha: NOOOO!

<gossip> Paco: reminded me of Hannibal.
<gossip> Paco: without all the flesh eating tho.

<gossip> Bitterman: yeah, lite on does beat the shit out of a lot of companies when it comes to price.
<gossip> Arkandor does a pelvic thrust.
<gossip> Arkandor: I think Lite On has mob connections.
<gossip> Viktor thrusts a combat knife into Arkandor's pelvis.
<gossip> Arkandor: or at least a go- JESUS FUCK MY PELVIS CHRIST!
<gossip> Arkandor falls to the floor and curls up in a fetal position.
<gossip> Viktor nods at the Lite on boss/Mafia Don, and waks away.

<announce> Jimmycarter took a severe beating from a small child from Highpool.
<gossip> Jimmycarter: Damn it all I used to be able to take juvies no problem.
<gossip> Jack is getting sick of stupid people coming on here.
<gossip> Bitterman: yeah, times must be rough now that you're not the president anymore.
<gossip> Jack rolls on the floor laughing.
<gossip> Jimmycarter: also because I used to have a high char here.
<gossip> Arkandor: LOL.
<gossip> Bitterman: I thought he didn't inhale.

<gossip> Trujillo: I DON'T WANT YOUR PENIS, VIKTOR.
<gossip> Viktor: welkl. ok, you don want my dick/./. what bout ass, mouth, eyesocket?
<gossip> Trujillo: No, Vik... the chocolatey goodness of your Dutch orifices just don't do it for me.
<gossip> Viktor cries.
<gossip> Viktor: fiend.
<gossip> Trujillo: I need a man who can pleasure me, then go boil me a pizza.

<gossip> Articfox: die, bitterman!
<gossip> Articfox lunges at Bitterman with a rusty spork!
<gossip> Bitterman: LESBIAN!
<gossip> Bitterman runs up behind Articfox, and violently smacks him in the back of the head with a shovel.
<gossip> Articfox: OW!

<gossip> Bitterman: face it, there's nothing in my house I can OD on.
<gossip> Shpongie gasps.
<gossip> Shpongie: I never wanted you to OD! Just get some much-needed shuteye!
<gossip> Bitterman: liar.
<gossip> Shpongie: No.
<gossip> Bitterman: big fat liar face.
<gossip> Shpongie: Well I'M not the one with herpes, now am I?

[OOC] Krogg says: there's a penis on turkish tv, get the turkish penis away from me.

Arkandor says: El bueno, el malo, el feo.
Bitterman blinks.
Bitterman says: He's gone spanish on us again.
Bitterman says: Granted, he is mexican, but that's beside the point.

<gossip> Articfox: bitterman, say something funny for the log.
<gossip> Bitterman: no.

<gossip> Viktor: you could say Holland is mostly beach.
<gossip> Bitterman: no, because Holland is underwater.
<gossip> Bitterman: Holland is mostly sea.
<gossip> Viktor: we hand made it into Land, Bitter.
<gossip> Viktor: we call that shit 'Polders'
<gossip> Viktor: land that once was sea.
<gossip> Bitterman: "We want to live here anyway, put some walls up."
<gossip> Bitterman: "We'll all smoke dope, to forget about the fact that we're under the ocean"
<gossip> Viktor: damn straight.
<gossip> Bitterman: "And no sharing with the Americans. Stupid Americans."
<gossip> Viktor: damn straight.
<gossip> Viktor: why do you think we have those walls? to keep the Americans out, and _THEN_ the ocean.
<gossip> Bitterman: when you built them, America didn't exist.
<gossip> Bitterman: and when you built them, dyke didn't mean lesbian.
<gossip> Viktor: that's beside the point.
<gossip> Zonkie: now dyke means lesbian???
<gossip> Viktor sighs.
<gossip> Viktor: Zonk, you're a dead man.
<gossip> Bitterman laughs out loud.
<gossip> Zonkie: what???
<gossip> Viktor: fucking.. stop.. that.
<gossip> Zonkie: i was just curious, okay???
<gossip> Bitterman rolls on the floor laughing.
<gossip> Viktor: fuck man, you're worse then Plautus.
<gossip> Bitterman: man, I wish I was stoned.

<gossip> Viktor: i'll suck cock for pizza.
<gossip> Articfox: dude, you'll suck cock for beer.
<gossip> Bitterman: he'll suck cock for cock.
<gossip> Viktor: damn straight.