mid·dle
n.

    1. An area or a point equidistant between extremes; a center: the middle of a circle.
    2. Something intermediate between extremes; a mean.
    3. The interior portion: the middle of a chain.
    4. The middle part of the human body; the waist.
    5. Logic. A middle term.
[Middle English middel, from Old English]

There are a lot of bad words in our society, but no word angers more than the word "middle." No word is more vile, more corrupt, more evil and morally wrong than the word "middle." Many songs with controversial lyrics are tame compared to a paragraph with blatant use of the word "middle."

For those that do not believe me, take note. A common symbol of hate and aggression, the middle finger, commonly used alongside the phrase "Fuck you!" Only the word middle is associated with such a vulgar display of profanity.

So you say not just pick on the middle finger? Well, while it is not just the middle finger, let us examine it closer. In correct typing, the middle finger is used to press the letters D, I, and E. Such a morbid task for an already morally corrupt finger, don't you agree?

However, back to the word, "middle." The word is used in conjunction with many things that are deemed bad in a society, such as:

Middle Ages: A particularly bloody time in the worlds history. A time when peasants worked, and were over taxed by an unruly King.

Middle weight: A weight class in boxing, or wrestling. A particularly violent blood sport, where men beat each other into submission.

Middle passage: Part of the Atlantic Ocean between Africa and the West Indies used most heavily during the trade of human slaves.

Middle Man: A leech who serves no purpose but to drive up the price of goods.

Middle Class: The people of a society that do the hard work and labor, while the Upper Class reap the benefits.

Mediocre: Derived from the word "middle," meaning to do less than satisfactory work. Below average.

As you can see by now, the word "middle" is indeed one of the most corrupt and vile words in the English language. I ask, no, I demand, in the name of all that is descent, we ban this word from common speech, we censor the word when used on television, and we bar it's use in print. We will not tolerate it when our children speak such profanity as "damn" or "cunt." Yet every day we allow them to be exposed to the word "middle." As for the middle finger, the most immoral of all the parts of the body, I demand legislation to have the middle finger removed at birth. To insure that no longer will we be exposed to such vulgarity.

Thank you.

--Matt Hall